


A Matter of Perspective

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bodyswap, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Magic, Married Life, Out of Body Experiences, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Sibling Love, Witchcraft, supportive husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: "I told David that he had to be careful with them; they are very literal, and they don’t ask permission like other witches do.”“Witches--” Patrick trails off, frowning to himself.“Yeah, didn’t you know?”“Oh my God, David thought they were Mennonites.”Or, after the Roses leave Schitt's Creek, David and Alexis grow apart due to miscommunication. Three women offer their services to help the Rose siblings grow to understand each other, although their methods are unconventional to say the least. One day later, he wakes up in his sister's body, miles away from home.
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer & Alexis Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens & David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 49
Kudos: 153





	1. Hazelwood Farm

***

“Morning baby.”

David moans into the pillows, partly to try and draw out the process of waking up, and partly to hide his automatic grin as his husband spoons him from behind, his hands skimming his hips and gripping them tightly. It's almost embarrassing how much he still responds to Patrick; how even small familiar touches such as this, that happen on the daily, still get his heart racing and skin tingling with joy. So much joy that David thought he would never get.

“David, it’s time to get up.” He whispers directly in his ear, sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

“Too early.” David complains, rolling over to dig his head into Patrick’s chest, which is rumbling with silent laughter.

“I know, I know.” He says, his hand tracing down David’s back. “Doesn’t stop it being true.”

David shuffles even closer to tuck his head over Patrick’s shoulder and wrap his arms tightly around his waist.

“You have two choices.” Patrick says quietly, speaking directly into David’s ear, his voice still raspy from sleep and oh so desirable. “Either you can have fifteen more minutes of half-sleep, and then we have to get up and go. Or, you could look at this way; we have fifteen more minutes to do whatever we’d like before we go.”

“Whatever we’d like?” David mumbles, stretching slightly in anticipation, “Somebody is cocky.”

“I’m trying to be.”

David rolls Patrick onto his back, smiling above him, and leans down to catch his lips in a kiss. His husband immediately accommodates him, tightening his grip on David’s hips, and pressing their bodies firmly together.

“Do you mind if I--” Patrick whines, reaching a hand down to skim the backs of his fingers over the front of David’s tented pants.

“Yes. Please.”

***

They are up and out of bed only twenty-five minutes later; but of course, Patrick had already factored in the extra time, because he thinks of everything. They shower and dress, and head down the stairs, where David starts on coffee and tea, whilst Patrick packs their bags.

“Do I need the laptop today?” He shouts from the office down the hall.

“Don’t think so,” David shouts back as he’s rooting through the cupboards, “Unless you want to sort the inventory spreadsheet this afternoon when I’m unpacking the stock.”

Its vendor pick-up day, and it’s a big one. Once every couple of months they close the store and head on a day spent communicating with the craftspeople who make the store the success that it is. It’s a crucial part of the business, ensuring that these relationships are maintained, and it’s one of David’s favourite jobs.

“I might do.” Patrick replies as he heads into the room, laptop case in one arm, and looking at his phone in the other. He’s frowning, which pushes David to approach him from behind and wrap his arms around his shoulders.

“Everything okay?” He asks, as Patrick tilts the screen to make it more visible to him.

“Um, Alexis texted me.”

_02:56 I’m really sorry, I’m going to have to cancel the visit we had planned in a couple of weeks! Something came up with work and I really shouldn’t be taking the time off right now._

“Oh,” David mumbles, unhooking himself from Patrick and heading back to the drinks.

Patrick follows after shoving the offending technology into David’s duffel bag and lays a stable hand on David’s lower back.

“You okay?”

“Hmm? What, about Alexis not visiting? Sure, it’s not like I never speak to her, it’s not that big a deal.”

“David--”

“We really need to get on the road if we want to make it to the Lawrence farm on time for breakfast.” He says dismissively, handing Patrick the two travel mugs and reaching for his bag. “Do you have everything?”

“Yeah,” Patrick replies softly, “Let’s go.”

The thing is, Patrick has been worried about David ever since his family all split off in different directions. At first, there had been video calls every couple of days; trading stories, and memories, and chatting away on the phone as if they were still in that tiny motel room down the road from the cottage that they now called home.

Then, the calls had become weekly. Recently, they had trailed off almost completely.

The Rose parents were not so bad; they call every Saturday evening to talk about the week’s episode of Sunrise Bay, and whilst it may seem a fickle reason from the outside, both Patrick and David know it’s simply a method of creating a routine of communication.

But Alexis had effectively gone MIA for the last month, perhaps longer. There was the odd text conversation, and David had been hanging on to the fact that she had planned a visit, months in advance to spend a weekend in Schitt’s Creek with them. But it hadn’t been easy.

Patrick had begun waking up in the night to find David hyperventilating, furiously tapping away at his phone in a desperate attempt to get Alexis to respond to him. Usually he was able to calm him down with placating words, and reassuring explanations of how she would be asleep, or at work, or at a party she had mentioned in passing a few weeks before. She always responded a few hours (or days) later, asking him if he was okay, and saying that she was fine and that he shouldn’t worry so much.

But still he worried; he’d started getting bad dreams again of her needing help and him being unable to get to her.

Whilst David never mentioned any of this out loud, both he and Patrick were aware of the strain it was having. So, the news of the weekend trip being cancelled had thrown a spanner in the works and was looking to have serious effects on David’s life.

But he didn’t want to talk about it, so Patrick doesn’t push. Instead, they clamber into the car together in companionable silence and head to the vendor’s houses as planned.

First, they stop at the Lawrence’s, who had offered an early meeting with the promise of fresh bagels for breakfast. Their farm was the furthest away, so it made sense to start there and move back closer to Schitt’s Creek.

David is quiet through the meal; allowing Patrick to take the reins on the conversation, which is unusual but not unheard of at an early morning meeting. Then they head to Heather Warner’s farm (an unfortunate but necessary stop considering the circumstances, but they hadn’t let the drama with Ted and Alexis change their working relationship), then Mr Hockley’s farm to collect his shipment of hand-carved wooden bowls and continue to turn down offers of farm-grown ‘tea’, (although David does accept a few packets for personal use.)

Finally, they pull up at their last stop for the day, Hazelwood Farm. It’s past midday at this point, and David’s mood seems to have only deteriorated with all the socialising and heavy lifting of products to the car. Patrick is hopeful that the chips he had packed will make him more agreeable, but even snacks can’t work miracles. He’s very much looking forward to getting David back behind a locked door so they can work through the emotions of the morning.

The last stop of the day is at the Mennonite Farm, owned by a large family. The intention is to sample a range of their baked goods that David was considering stocking fresh every couple of days at the store, as well as their hand-made windchimes (which would obviously be stocked with foam around the centre to stop them from driving the pair crazy).

The relationship with these vendors is one of David’s biggest successes. The women on the farm were initially incredibly tentative concerning opening their products up to a wider market, but after only three meetings with David one-on-one, they had agreed to an exclusive contract with Rose Apothecary.

They had grown very fond of David, in fact, all things considered.

David seems to have relaxed slightly as they climb out of the car, and are approached by the three elderly women, all wearing bright, garish colours; Mary, Judy, and Sandra. They are all grandparents, and their products were initially made for family, but they open their arms as they see the men approach, welcoming them, and clucking over them as they all head to a patio around the back of the house.

“Hello, David. Patrick.” They say, hugs are exchanged, and small conversation about the weather, and the drive, and the state of the garden. It’s all very domestic and familiar.

They must be able to tell something is off with David’s mood however, as they immediately focus their attention on him specifically.

“You sit down, dear. You look dead on your feet.”

David accepts, and sits on a small wooden bench at a table.

“Now, let me get you boys a drink, is peach tea okay? Oh, and some of those peanut squares that you like so much.”

Patrick reaches out a hand to hold David’s as he nods and takes a shaky breath. This isn’t the place for this, but it seems David’s emotions have finally caught up with him, and the women are more than happy to offer their services as comfort.

They are silent for a while, as David catches his breath, and accepts their offerings of baked treats.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t the place for this. We’re here to discuss the vendor contract, obviously.” He says, sniffing. Patrick squeezes his hand and is grateful to feel David squeeze in response.

“It’s alright; let it out dear. You’ve got quite a weight on your shoulders. Now, why don’t you tell us what all this is about?” Mary asks, sitting down next to him on the other side and laying a heavy hand on his shoulder.

For some reason, David is compelled to tell her the truth; “My sister isn’t coming to visit.” He says, through tears, “And I never speak to her anymore, and I’m so scared that it’s going to go back to how it was before, and one day I’m going to wake up and she’s going to be halfway across the world in a Turkish prison or something.”

He seems surprised by his confession, and Patrick certainly is, but he seems lighter now that he’s said it.

“Now, that just won’t do.” Judy says. “Is this the chatty blonde girl we met at your first visit a few years ago?”

David nods silently, before opening his mouth again.

“I just want her to talk to me; I want to know she’s safe. I don’t want to lose her again.” He says quietly, as if embarrassed by his own words. “ _I wish she was here_. Just for a little while, so she knows what it’s like for me, waiting for her to pick up the phone or text back, waiting for her to tell me that she’s safe.”

The three women nod and look between each other silently. Patrick watches them curiously as they have a silent argument, raising their eyebrows and shaking their heads at each other, until they seem to come to an agreement, and look back at the two men.

“Well, we can’t have that can we. You just leave it to us dear; we’ll see what we can do.”

Patrick frowns up at the strange statement, but doesn’t have a response to that, so just returns to skating his thumb across the back of David’s hand in what he hopes is a soothing manner.

After that, the meeting goes in a familiar, and more professional fashion. They organise a new vendor contract, and rehash old agreements until both parties are satisfied, and they leave the farm laden in treats, and reassurances.

Patrick drives them back to the store where they unpack all the new stock, placing the boxes in the backroom, fresh produce in the fridge, and slipping new contracts into the alphabetised folder in the back room.

“I don’t really feel like organising all these yet.” David says, as Patrick brings the last box of bowls through. “Can we- Would it be really bad if we just went home?”

“Of course, David. I--”

“I know that’s bad business and everything, it’s just- it’s been a really long day, and I’m really tired, and it’s not like we were going to open this afternoon anyway. I just really want to go home.”

Patrick grins at his use of the word home; it’s not unusual in any way, they have been living in the cottage for three and a half months, and before that they were basically living in the apartment together anyway. But when ‘home’ means the house that they share, it feels precious, something Patrick didn’t think he would ever get just a few short years before.

“Come on, David.” He says, reaching out a hand, “Let’s go home.”

“We didn’t bring in the spare peanut butter squares, did we? They packed extra for us to take home and I really don’t want you to have to make a return journey here tonight when I inevitably want them.”

Patrick nods towards the box in his hand. “They packed extra for you, actually. I don’t think these were really intended for me.”

“Mm, well, I could be convinced to share- as a compromise.”

“Oh, a compromise, huh? So, _‘what’s mine is yours’_ doesn’t apply in this situation?”

This earns a small laugh, and David shakes his head at his husband ruefully as they head back around the store to the car.

***

“Are we going to talk about what happened today?” Patrick asks over dinner.

David sighs, looking at his plate of Ratatouille with longing, as his husband watches him intently, his fork suspended in the air above his food.

“What is there to talk about?” David mumbles petulantly.

“David--”

Patrick sounds annoyed. He never sounds annoyed; at least, not at David.

“I’m sorry- I know how unprofessional that was, and I really didn’t think it would happen, I just. They asked me, and I couldn’t lie, it all just came out.”

Patrick is looking sadly at him now, so maybe he isn’t annoyed with David. He stands up from his seat and rounds to table to kneel next to him, placing a hand on his knee to steady himself and also act as an anchor for David.

“Baby, I know this is uncomfortable for you, but I think you should talk to Alexis about what’s bothering you.”

David squirms as Patrick reaches a hand up to stroke over his cheekbone softly. The touch is barely present; his thumb tracing the line of his face from the crease of his lips to his ear and back. After a while, David lets himself melt into it.

“I know- I- I just, not yet.” He whispers.

He’s crying again, which feels really pathetic for the second time in the day, but Patrick takes it in his stride, as he always does, and just methodically wipes each tear away, and leans up to kiss the trail it leaves behind.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I just- I know, logically, that Alexis is fine. She’s not the same person she used to be when she was calling asking for passports, and international negotiations, and coloured contact lenses. But- she’s not here, and I can’t seem to get a hold of her, and I just- I must be missing so much, and nothings the same anymore, and what if we never live in the same place again? Is this it for us? A few day visits over Christmas and Hanukkah?”

Patrick makes quiet tutting noises as his hands cup David’s face, holding it up at level with his own.

“I just- I feel like I’ve lost her again.”

At this, his body slumps into Patrick’s waiting arms, and he lets out a heaving sob against his shoulder, his tears soaking into the fabric of the thin blue jumper.

“It’s okay, it’s alright. It’s all gonna be alright.” Patrick mutters calm words against David’s neck, holding him tighter.

“You’re not annoyed at me?” David whimpers pathetically as he pulls away. “I’ve left so much of the work with you all day, and then I- I broke down in front of one of our most important vendors and--”

“Shh, sh. David!” Patrick exclaims, patting his hands over his shoulders and arms to try and quiet him. “I was never annoyed with you. I’m not annoyed.”

“You look annoyed--”

“Look, Alexis should have contacted you. I’m annoyed she decided to message me in the middle of the night instead of calling you and having a conversation with you about it. I’m annoyed that she’s not been picking up your calls, and that the whole situation is making you anxious. And yes, I’m annoyed, because I feel like she’s being careless, and this isn’t something that I’m able to protect you from.”

“You don’t have to--”

“I know, I know. It’s just a hang-up of mine. I- I hate to see you upset, and I wish I could do something.”

David leans against his shoulder again for a moment, tears all dried up.

“I think we should take this lovely food that you made and eat it in front of the television.”

Patrick snorts, “What film are you intending on educating me on tonight?”

“No film, I want to watch House Hunters, and then I want to go to bed.”

“Okay, David. Come on.” Patrick replies easily, standing up and reaching for the two bowls, whilst David grabs the wine glasses, and they head to the living room.

***

In bed that night, after cleaning up and settling in for sleep, David turns and places his head over Patrick’s heart.

“You don’t have to protect me, you know.” He whispers, listening to the steady drumming under his ear, and taking comfort in it. “You already do so much, I just- As long as I get to wake up next to you, I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too, David.”

“I can’t wait to see you in the morning.” David mumbles sleep finally taking over him as he closes his eyes and settles, the feel of Patrick’s fingers stroking along his shoulders repetitively.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed- It was a dumb idea that came to me randomly but I've spent the last day working everything out and this first chapter felt ready to share. I'll have the rest up within the next week or so!
> 
> Thank you for reading, kudos and comments always mean the world, I love to hear what you think!


	2. Patrick's Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The witches inteference takes ahold, and there is tension in the Rose-Brewer house.

Alexis wakes up the next morning. The bed is comfortable, but unfamiliar, and she stretches and whines, reaching out a hand to try to find Ted.

The bed is empty, and for a moment she flails around, but soon enough a door opens and someone walks in. They head quickly into the room, putting two mugs down on the bedside table on her far side, and crawling along to wrap their arm around her waist.

“Morning, baby.” The man says, kissing under her ear, “I made you coffee, or did you need something else to wake you up?”

Years of escaping international heists and waking up in strangers’ bedrooms has prepared her for this moment. She screams, throws out her fist to punch the stranger in the face, and jets across the room to stand with her back to the wall.

“What- David?” The man says. He’s holding a hand over the eye she had hit, and kneeling up on the bed, looking hurt. Thankfully he’s dressed in a blue t-shirt and plaid pyjama bottoms; his hair is ruffled and unkempt.

“Ew, Patrick!” Alexis squeals, but her voice comes out a timber lower than it should. “What are you doing here?”

Patrick is frozen in his position on the bed, staring at her. His gaze prompts her to look down and she is met with a hairy male body, in a long-sleeved striped top and boxers.

“Ew! _Ew!_ Oh my God, Patrick!” She jumps around as if to physically escape the sight of her brother’s legs, but the body moves with her. “What is happening? Why am I here? Where’s David?”

“Alexis?” Patrick whispers. He’s brought back to life as he jumps and clambers off the bed, backing himself into the opposite wall. “What are you- How? How is this even- possible?”

“Oh my God I punched you in the face.” She says, staring at his eye which has already started to bruise; going a sick yellow colour.

“It’s really you, Alexis. _What-_ Oh my God, where’s David?”

“Thanks for the concern! What about me! I’m stuck in his body- Don’t look at it!” She yells, using one hand to try to cover her- her brother’s body and the other held out as if to stop him from advancing.

“I’m not- I’m not looking.” He says, one hand over his own eyes. “I’m gonna just- I’m gonna go and make more tea. You- you should probably change.”

He has to approach Alexis to head towards the door, but he looks away determinedly. Just as he’s leaving, he pokes his head back around the door and glares at her.

“Don’t take off the boxers.” He says firmly.

“Oh my God- I’m not going to-- That’s gross, Patrick!”

“I mean it, Alexis.” He shouts from down the hall somewhere, leaving her alone in the room.

She looks around, trembling slightly in shock and surprise, and slowly approaches the mirror. David looks back at her; the same face she knows so well, looking terrified, and older? She hasn’t been gone that long; maybe three months at most, she saw far less at him during their younger years, but she suddenly feels like she’s been missing something important in her absence.

“Oh my God.” She whispers, placing her hands over face and taking deep breaths to calm down. Her- David’s- heart is fluttering, it feels like she’s having a heart attack, and she sits on the edge of the bed.

There’s a light knock on the door and Patrick re-emerges with two more cups, which he puts on top of the chest of drawers even despite the two mugs still warm on the bedside table.

“Alexis?” He says quietly, kneeling in front of her.

“I think- I think David’s having a heart attack.” She says, struggling for breath and feeling like her skin is itching.

“Okay, baby- I mean, _shit_ , sorry. Alexis.” Patrick stutters, his hands on her knees.

Her hairy knees.

What the hell is happening?

“Alexis, it’s a panic attack. Just focus on my voice and take some deep breaths with me.”

She follows his instruction, tears trailing down her face as she keeps one hand on her flat chest and tries to match his exaggerated breaths.

Finally, she manages to get her emotions under control. “That’s a panic attack?” She breathes finally, looking down at Patrick with furrowed brows, who moves back across the floor as if to stop reaching out. “But it’s- It’s like so intense. That’s what he feels when he’s- When that happens?”

Patrick shrugs and nods, turning his back to dig through the drawers for a pair of sweatpants.

“Here, do you want to put these on?”

Alexis stares down at the sweatpants in question with a disgusted look. “Please don’t tell me David actually wears those.”

Patrick looks at them, clearly confused. “They’re comfortable.” He says, “They were meant to be for me, but when we got home and I tried them on they were too big, and we didn’t want to send them back, so he wears them.”

“What the hell Patrick? I go away for less than a year and David is wearing target clothes? I didn’t realise marriage was going to ruin him completely.”

Patrick seems to bristle at that, moving away quickly to open the closet. “Choose something to wear then. Then we’ll call Alexis- you. We’ll call David.”

Alexis flicks through David’s sweaters, laid out on wooden shelves inside the cupboard, and finally picks out her own favourite black distressed one. She pulls it on; it has a tighter fit on David’s body, and she neglects to wear anything under it. She chooses a pair of black skinny jeans but leaves David’s hair flat; not sure whether or not she would get in trouble for touching it, and cruelly enjoying leaving him in slight disarray.

Finally, she makes her way down the stairs; she’s only been in the cottage via facetime technically, and whilst it’s small enough to not get lost, it’s strange seeing it from the inside. She suddenly feels an ache of guilt for cancelling her trip down booked in a couple of weeks but shakes it away as she focuses on how weird this whole situation is.

She finds Patrick in the kitchen already on the phone, the kettle boiling again for some reason.

“Is that David?” She asks quietly, he turns and shakes his head silently, turning back to the phone.

“We’ll be there soon- Okay- No it’s alright, don’t apologise- See you soon.” He hangs up and turns to Alexis, looking her up and down quickly. “You’re gonna have to put a shirt on under that sweater; your- David’s- nipple is visible through it.” He says first. “Then we have to go; our friends Bethany and Millie need to go to visit family in hospital, and we need to go and get their dog.”

“Who are Bethany and Millie?” Alexis asks, “Why don’t I know about them?”

“Maybe you would if you picked up David’s calls.” Patrick says simply.

“I- Okay, um, I feel like we have our own sort of situation going on right now, why did you agree?”

Patrick just stares at her; “Can you not argue right now. I tried to call your phone but it’s not picking up. I’m assuming David is either asleep or that he’s still dealing with the whole situation we’ve all found ourselves in.” He’s trying very hard not to focus on what it means if David isn’t picking up because he’s not there and shakes the idea out of his head before the thought can settle.

“Ugh, typical David, has to be untrustworthy right now.”

Patrick pulls an unimpressed face at that.

He’s grumpy, Alexis realises, as he pushes past her mumbling about going upstairs to change his clothes. Alexis has never seen Patrick grumpy. He’s been politely firm, and protective of David, sure, but he’s mad at her, and he’s not trying to hide it. She feels a sinking in her gut as she waits for him to return which he does a few minutes later in his signature blue shirt and jeans, holding a white t-shirt in his hands which he passes to Alexis.

She changes quickly, pulling the sweater back on over the shirt, and follows him out to the car. For a moment, as they pull away from the cottage, he seems to reach out to take her hand, but remembers himself and instead holds his phone out to her.

“I’m going to keep a hold of David’s phone so you don’t get any ideas- but you can play some music from mine.”

She silently accepts it and plugs it in.

“What’s your passcode?”

“David has his thumb saved on it, so--” Patrick gestures to her to try it and it unlocks. She ignores the intimacy of using her brother’s fingerprints, and focuses on pressing play on a playlist titled David Car Songs.

David and Patrick’s friends live just around the corner, and soon enough they are pulling up at another cottage, where two women are stood outside their car with a large white husky between them.

They climb out, and the dog rushes to Patrick who drops to one knee to stroke it and takes the large duffle bag of supplies from them.

“Thank you so much for doing this.” One of the women says. She’s short and blonde, with one half of her head shaved, and her arms are covered in tattoos. Alexis is immediately uncomfortable; this is not her type of crowd, and she doesn’t know how David feels about Patrick’s friends.

Suddenly she realises they are looking at her. “Oh, it’s no problem.” She says, but she jumps when the dog barks at her.

Both women frown at the dog in confusion, but shake their heads, clearly too distracted to comment on their friend’s strange behaviour, or the fact that Patrick is still sporting an impressive bruise. “I think you’ve got everything you’ll need in the bag, but we’ll cover costs if there are any.” The woman is speaking again as her wife climbs into the driver’s seat. “Thank you again, both of you.”

“It’s no problem,” Patrick says, pulling the dog to stand next to him, away from Alexis who he is eyeing like he’s ready to bite. “You go on, we’ve got everything covered here.”

Alexis watches Patrick as they leave. He’s tense, hunched slightly, but crouches to stroke the dog comfortingly.

“Um, what’s it called?” She asks tentatively.

“His name is Atticus.”

“And- Why does he not like David?”

Patrick looks up at her and shakes his head. “He loves David. Far more than he likes me usually. When we dog-sit he spends most of the evening in David’s lap.”

“Oh…”

Before she can overthink, Patrick is leading Atticus towards the car to climb into the back and ties his leash to the car door. Alexis follows timidly.

***

When they get home, Patrick tries calling Alexis’ number again, and this time someone picks up.

“Patrick?” She can hear her own voice down the line and winces slightly at how weird that is as she sits on the couch fiddling with her fingers nervously.

“David, are you okay?” Patrick’s voice is almost as desperate as David’s as Alexis. He’s pacing back and forth animatedly between the open concept kitchen and living room as if physically moving is going to help the situation.

“No! Nothing about this is okay!”

“David- what--”

“Is she there?”

“I- Yeah.” He puts the phone on speaker and Alexis jumps as her own voice increases in volume.

“When were you going to tell me that you got back together with Ted?!”

She winces awkwardly. “It’s a new thing, David. There was nothing to tell!”

“Really, tell that to his practically naked body in bed next to me this morning!” Patrick perks up and he looks interested, if not a little jealous at that news.

“You think I liked waking up to your husband in bed with me this morning, David?”

“I swear to God if you touched him--”

“Oh my God, David. He’s basically my brother too, that’s disgusting!”

There’s silence for a moment as they both get the major points off their chest, and Patrick takes a seat next to Alexis on the couch. Atticus has stayed away since they arrived home; seeming wary of Alexis and hiding in the dog bed on the other side of the room that was for some reason already there.

“Can I talk to Patrick again, please?” David asks quietly. As disarming as it is to hear him speaking through her voice, he still sounds like him, and right now he sounds sad and scared.

Patrick takes the phone off speaker and holds it to his ear. “Hi baby--” he says as he heads away to another room.

Alexis sighs, dropping back onto the couch. After a while, Patrick returns, looking less tense, and sits back down next to her.

“How are you doing?” He asks quietly.

“I’m fine all things considering.” She says, “Are you okay- Is David?”

He nods, “David and Ted are fine. I’m okay- I just. This is a really weird situation and I kind of don’t know how to react.”

“Tell me about it.” Alexis replies through a teary laugh. “Did you not want to see him?”

He looks at her weirdly and she nods her head in resignation, both of them letting out a short-breathed laugh.

“I don’t really think that would help.” He says slowly, “Also, I don’t want to see his reaction when he sees this.” He gestures to his own face, and Alexis winces as she looks at his black eye.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Um, he’s just working out some stuff, and then we are going to call again tonight to see if we can come up with a plan.” He says, rubbing his knees awkwardly.

“What stuff is he working out?” Alexis asks, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously. She can immediately tell that Patrick is fondly amused at whatever his husband is doing and slaps his arm lightly. “Oh my God, he’s getting food, isn’t he?”

“Yes, yep. Him and Ted are going out for bagels, and then to the Met, and then for pizza. They seem to have gotten on better this morning than we did.”

“Oh my God he’s in my body! He’s going to ruin it!” She screeches, pouting pathetically.

Patrick chuckles, “Well, we want to work out a way of getting your bodies switched back. I think everyone would find it a little weird if it looked like you moved back to be married to me, and David went to New York. Plus, this is probably a good thing; you know David doesn’t focus without food.”

At this, Alexis’ (David’s) stomach growls loudly and prominently. They both blink in shock, but Patrick quickly recovers. “Well, since the others are living it up in New York, what do you say we head to the finest dining establishment in Schitt’s Creek?”

“Yes, Patrick.” Alexis says, “Nom nom for us.”

***

Heading to the café is weirder than it should be; Alexis had failed to consider that whilst for her, it feels largely like being back to visit the town she had grown to love so much, everyone else (including Patrick) is still looking at David’s face.

They pass Roland and Jocelyn on the half-hour walk to town, who wave and stop to pet Atticus, and to chat about babysitting Rollie the following weekend, thankfully focusing the conversation on Patrick who actually knows (and pretends to care) about what they are talking about.

Alexis hadn’t realised how much her heels had been holding her back, and she actually finds that she enjoys the walk that she never would have considered taking before.

She catches Patrick up on her life in New York; her relationship with Ted, newly reformed after he moved back to work at a research facility in the city, and her job which is thriving so much more than ever possible when stuck in the confines of Schitt’s Creek.

“Honestly, Alexis, it’s probably a good thing that Ted was with David when he woke up this morning. I can’t imagine what it would have done to him if it was some guy he didn’t recognise, or if he was on his own.”

Alexis hums in agreement. “Ted is also like super good at calming people down. I’m just glad I went to sleep wearing clothes last night.”

They both chuckle at the absurdity of the situation, but soon enough the café comes into view.

It’s strange being back here but also invisible. Everything is the same as when Alexis left, but it’s also different. The town isn’t hers anymore, and there’s a sort of disconnect between her and the people here. From now on, she will always be a visitor here; a temporary stop on her travels rather than a permanent inhabitant.

It makes her slightly sad, as they walk the familiar path to the door of the café and slip into a booth without so much as a double take from Twyla or any of the other people present, Atticus settling at Patrick’s side as if to defend him from the imposter in David’s body.

Patrick seems to sense her drop in mood, and he looks at her sympathetically as Twyla approaches the table, notebook in hand.

“Hey guys, are you ready to- oh.” She startles as she looks at Patrick, who winces as he remembers the bruise around his eye. “Patrick, what happened?”

“Oh,” he says, holding a hand up to it thoughtfully, “um, it was an accident, and it was embarrassing so- David is ticklish- nothing to worry about.”

Twyla lets it go quickly after some advice about how her dentist used to cover bruises with concealer (apparently, he got punched a lot by patients), and an offer to provide said coverage. They order their usual; Alexis delighting in the ability to eat David’s usual burger without worrying about her figure but staying decidedly silent so as to not alert anyone to the odd goings on.

The peace doesn’t last for long, however, as Stevie barges in and heads straight to the table.

“Hey,” she says, sitting down next to Alexis as ‘David’ and pushing her along the bench to make room. She reaches for a fry quickly as if preparing for reproach, but Alexis lets her, too surprised by the casual gestures to really focus on reacting as David would. “I heard Alexis isn’t coming for her weekend visit after all.”

Patrick widens his eyes at Alexis who scowls and nods, “Yeah, but she’s like, super busy in New York, she has a lot of work to do at the moment so it’s not like I can expect her to just drop everything for a weekend to come visit.”

Stevie frowns, perplexed, “You don’t have to pretend you’re not upset about it, David. It’s just us, we won’t tell anyone.” She gestures between herself and Patrick with a worried look, “I know how hard it’s been for you the last couple of months, and you know that Shannon said you shouldn’t keep bottling up the difficult emotions.”

“Yes- um, Shannon did say that.” Alexis says, unconvincingly.

“Stevie, you know David doesn’t like to talk about therapy when he’s eating.” Patrick says with a pointed look.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to dig up old dirt I’m just worried about you.”

“Um, nothing to worry about.” Alexis mutters, suddenly less excited about her food as her stomach sinks with guilt.

“Are you looking forward to your visit to Michigan this weekend?” Patrick asks, directing the question at Stevie to divert the attention away from the previous conversation. “You must be excited; this is like your first big motel conference.”

“Mm, I’m not sure if I’m excited, or dreading it.” She says, flatly, “But at least Ruth will be there.”

“Oh yeah, how’s the long-distance thing going? You haven’t mentioned her in a while.”

“It’s- good. I think it’s going well. I think- um, she was talking about a job offer in Toronto that she’s considering taking. It’s not definite yet, and it’s not for me specifically, but it would make the commute to visit easier.”

Alexis stays silent for the rest of the conversation, sure that if she opens her mouth again then Stevie will quickly work out that she is an imposter of her best friend. She doesn’t know why, but she’s desperate that Stevie shouldn’t know what’s happening here; deciding that it would just be safer to carry on as usual around her.

Fortunately, Stevie seems to chalk up ‘David’s’ silence with him being upset about Alexis and doesn’t comment on it again.

Soon enough, lunch is over, and they make the decision to head straight back to the cottage after a brief look inside Rose Apothecary to pick up some moisturisers which Alexis is hoping she will work out a way of taking back with her whenever she manages to get back to her own body.

They walk in silence, Patrick seeming exhausted but hopefully no longer angry at her.

***

Alexis is both relieved and annoyed to find that when they call that evening, David doesn’t seem that worried. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s with Ted, or that he got a free trip to New York, or the food, or picking out his favourites of Alexis’ wardrobe to wear, but he’s pretty peppy for the whole conversation.

They decide to sleep on it and hope that everything goes back to normal in the morning, but Alexis is not brimming with confidence at that idea.

“I just don’t understand why he’s being so calm about all this.” She whines to Patrick, who smirks at her as he hands her a cup of tea. “He’s usually so tightly wound, but he wakes up in my body and suddenly it’s just a regular weekday or something?”

“Maybe that has something to do with it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you had your first panic attack in David’s body; you felt what he feels when he’s anxious. Maybe David is just feeling the way your body reacts to stressful situations?”

The idea does make sense; she has been feeling extremely tightly wound throughout this whole experience. Patrick seems more mellow after talking to David again as well, and they sit together on the couch in companionable silence as an episode of _Nailed It_ plays on the TV.

“Who is Ruth?” She asks after a while.

Patrick snorts, “Stevie would be mortified if she knew she had said that in front of you. Ruth is one of the investors in Rosebud Motel Group. She works at the New York branch and she and Stevie started seeing each other when she went to a meeting there a little while after you left.”

“Why didn’t she tell me that?”

“Well, you have been a little hard to get in contact with over the last couple of months. What was she going to do? Just call you up and say, ‘hey Alexis, just letting you know I’m now open to all wines?’”

“I don’t even know what that means.” Alexis mutters.

They turn back to the show, but she can’t get comfortable, and fidgets back and forth awkwardly in her seat.

“How long has David been going to therapy?” Alexis asks finally, turning to look at her brother-in-law, who tenses slightly.

“On and off since just before the wedding.” He says quietly. “He didn’t want people to know though.”

“Yeah but I’m his sister, why didn’t he want to tell me about that?”

Patrick looks conflicted as he works out his response. His eyes are trained on a cake on the screen that has melted in on itself, but it’s clear his mind is whirring with thought. “David has been through a lot of different things in his life. Most of them you know about but some of them nobody else really knows about.” He says slowly, “Some of those things cause him to have problems with his anxiety and depression, and this gets worse at times of stress or lots of change, like the wedding, or--”

“Us leaving.” Alexis finishes for him.

“I think- He has spent a lot of his life trying to control everything around him. Keep your Mom and Dad happy, keep you safe, keep partners- um, try to make them stay with him. When he loses control, he panics and reverts to old habits.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know if I should say, Alexis. This really is private, and David is my husband first, that takes priority. This seems like something you should be asking him.”

“But what if it has something to do with this whole situation? Please- I feel really bad I- I didn’t realise how much I had missed and I’m just trying to catch up a little.”

“He gets protective again, of Stevie, and you, and me; he is more affectionate but also more anxious in his affection, as if he’s scared that I’m going to push him away or something. He, um, he doesn’t sleep or eat for a while, or the opposite. Sometimes he struggles to get out of bed, when that happens several times in a short period it usually is a sign of a larger problem.”

“He has a history of addiction he doesn’t- he doesn’t use does he?” Alexis whispers, nervously.

Patrick sighs, “Sometimes he drinks more, or gets high more, but he doesn’t do it alone. Either me or Stevie is always with him when he does that so that we can keep an eye on it.”

“And he knows you do that?”

“Well, yeah. He asked us to do it.”

This statement seems to shock her more than anything else, her brother actually asking for help, and they sit in silence for a little while, letting this information mull over in her head, before turning back to see Patrick already looking at her.

“What?”

“It’s just- it’s strange. You obviously look like David, and you sound like David, but you also- really don’t.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You carry him so differently. Maybe it’s because I’m used to a routine, and the way we’re, um, physical with each other--”

“Ew, Patrick.”

He chuckles lightly but carries on. “David has a very expressive face. I like to think I can read it pretty well at this point, but with you in there, it’s like it’s gone blank.”

Alexis stammers for something to respond. “Yeah, well. He’s got a lot more body than I have; it’s a struggle to get it all to work at once.”

It was a lousy retort, but she’s exhausted from the day, and not in the mood for confusing comments like that. Patrick seems to realise that, and as the episode comes to a close, he stands up with finality.

“Come on, the guest bedroom is already made up, I’ll show you where to go.”

Alexis follows, thankful for the quiet authority Patrick reveals, and soon enough she is tucked into bed in a similar pair of pyjamas to the ones she woke up in, listening to Patrick’s footsteps as he makes his way up the stairs to his own bedroom.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, but she finally drifts off, clinging to the hope that by morning she will be in her own body again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the chapter that inspired everything so I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> It was surprisingly difficult to remember to point out all the times where Alexis is using David's body etc but I hope it's clear throughout!
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)


	3. Can you hear me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Alexis get a step closer to understanding each other, and a step closer to home.

_It’s dark, and cold. Alexis is sat in a field at night, the grass tickling her feet and making her itch. She’s in her own body, but there’s something uncomfortable about it. Almost like she can’t fit within her own skin._

_The moon is full, and the sky is full of stars, and the sound of crickets is a constant thrumming in her ears. It’s a beautiful night, but something about it feels immanent; like the stars are too close, or the earth is spinning just slightly too quickly._

_Slowly, the natural noise of nature turns to a drumming rhythm, it picks up speed and thrums through her body. She gets up and tries to run, but the grass turns to roots around her ankles and pulls her down on her front. She scrabbles at the ground, but there is nothing to cling onto except dry mud, and she can’t get her grasp._

_Somewhere, David is screaming. It’s echoing across the fields. He sounds like he’s being tortured. Alexis struggles against the bindings on her legs, but the more she moves the more they tighten. David is crying now, he’s in pain, he’s scared, he’s on his own._

_She tries to shout for him, but her mouth is dry, and no sound comes out. She can’t get to him._

_Alexis wakes up._

***

David wakes up on a sofa.

In his own body, the concept of sleeping on a couch overnight might actually cause him to break out in hives, but Alexis is younger (and arguably healthier) than he is, and he feels too bad about his outbreak that morning to kick Ted out of the bed overnight. So, he had (selflessly) offered to take the couch whilst Ted sleeps in the bedroom behind a door.

Alexis’ body also wakes up earlier than his own, and he stretches and flexes his (her?) legs, swinging them around and onto the floor so he can head into the kitchen and put on the coffee.

Ted enters, back from his run, and looks tentatively at him.

“Still David?” He asks, looking intently at David’s eyes as if that would reveal him.

“Yep, sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, bud. We’ll work this out. It’s nice to get to hang out with you anyway, even if it is in the weirdest possible circumstances.” Ted says simply, moving to the fridge to pull out a pre-made smoothie and take a long drink of it. “Have you spoken to Alexis and Patrick yet today?”

“Not yet. I’m not really sure what to say to them since nothing has changed.” He says slowly.

“No problem big guy. This would be a stressful situation for any-body.”

David doesn’t even have the energy to properly berate this pun, and just nods, smirking slightly as he raises his cup to take a sip of his coffee.

“What do you say we head out to the High Line like you said you wanted to yesterday?”

“Mhm, sure, just let me go and change these clothes.” He says, rushing off to the bedroom with some excitement to go back through Alexis’ heel collection.

***

Alexis’ morning is far less calm than David’s is. When she meets Patrick in the kitchen, he’s so clearly disappointed that it’s still her that he disappears for a jog without another comment. She lazes around the house for a while, waiting for him to return, which he does with a peace offering of coffee from the café and fresh pastries.

“Thank you.” She says quietly, taking a Danish and shoving it into her mouth.

“It’s okay- I’m sorry I was a little harsh this morning. I just- I haven’t spent more than a day away from David since the wedding and it’s just- it’s like he’s right here but at the same time he’s not.”

Alexis twitches uncomfortably in her seat at the breakfast bar and winces at Patrick apologetically. “I was thinking a lot last night, and I think I’m sorry for my reaction yesterday morning.”

“It’s okay- the bruise has gone down quite a lot and I used some of Twyla’s concealer when I was at the café. It’s not that visible anymore- is it?”

“No, it’s not that. Kind of- I am sorry about that as well. I was just- I was thinking about the things I was saying yesterday, and I kind of forgot that I was doing it all with David’s face, and his voice, and- I was really cruel to you, and it must have looked like David was saying it all. So, I just- I’m sorry I did that, and I’ll try to be more careful with his body from now on.”

Patrick smiles lightly at her, but the room is still strained. “Thank you for saying that Alexis.”

“Well, make the most of it; I am not apologising anymore for this situation. It’s been very weird, and I’m going through a lot right now.”

“Sure, of course. I wouldn’t expect anything more.”

They eat their breakfast, and Patrick cleans up, turning to her with an apologetic face.

“I need to go and open the store today.” He says, “We shouldn’t really have been closed yesterday but I felt like it was acceptable considering the circumstances. But if we want to prevent people from realising what is happening, or worse, coming to their own dramatic conclusions, I should probably go in today.”

“I don’t have to go to work, do I?” Alexis asks.

“No, no. In fact, I insist that you don’t.” Patrick says, as he heads towards the hall. “I took Atticus on my run and I’ll walk him again tonight if he needs it, so you can just stay here, or do whatever you feel like doing.”

Alexis hums thoughtfully and looks around her brother’s cottage. Part of her is curious to look around and learn more about David’s domestic country life with his husband, but she also feels strange doing that without David here to provide commentary on everything.

Patrick yells a goodbye and she hears the front door close as she’s still not moved from her seat.

Suddenly, she’s desperate to speak to David. She digs around for his phone and calls her own number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

_“The person you have called, is- unavailable. Please try again soon- or leave a message after the tone.”_

She hangs up with a sigh and tries again, gaining the same reaction. This time, she groans loudly and flops her head against the back of the couch which she had collapsed on after the second attempt.

Perking up at the noise, the dog- Atticus- jumps up from his bed and heads over cautiously. Alexis is usually anti-dog, but this one is surprisingly cute; she had thought David was afraid of pet hair getting on his clothes, but it seems there are a lot of things about her brother that she no longer knows.

She pats the dogs head lightly, and he flops it onto her thigh in relief, making her smile lightly.

_Is this how David feels?_ She wonders, as she sits there, phone still clutched in her hand desperately, gaining comfort from the warm weight of the dog’s head.

It’s weird; she knows that David is logically fine. He’s with Ted, and he’s in New York for the first time in years. He’s probably enjoying himself in fact. But she can’t help but feel nervous about him.

He’s delicate; more delicate than she is, and whilst they have a pattern going of her getting in trouble and him helping her out, she’s suddenly worried that he could need her help right now, and there’s nothing she would be able to do about it.

She allows herself to ponder on her dream last night. She’s never had one like it; her dreams are usually nonsensical things; funny memories, and twisted daydreams. They’re weird, and sometimes disconcerting, but never scary. She never wakes up in a cold sweat panting like she did last night.

She tries David again. This time, it rings, but it rings all the way to voicemail.

Maybe coffee will help.

***

The High Line is far too much of a tourist attraction. David would never be seen dead there.

And yet, technically he won’t be seen here. Technically, the only thing people will see is Alexis, dressed to the nine’s (if he does say so himself) in the blue embroidered off the shoulder dress, and strappy heels.

So, he lets himself enjoy the experience.

Ted is also surprisingly pretty good company. He’s chatty, sure, and his puns leave much to be desired. But he’s chill, and he can be quiet, and he asks David about the store, and about Patrick, and generally stops him from feeling bad about the whole situation.

They are on the underground, heading towards their destination, when David turns to Ted with a frown.

“So, um, how long have you and Alexis been seeing each other again?”

It’s a strange question considering the compromising position David had woken up in just a morning before, but Ted blinks, and smiles, and shrugs.

“Well, it turns out I couldn’t settle in the Galapagos; ignoring the fact that I was missing her, I found the lifestyle really difficult to consider long term, what with all the bugs and the heat, and the lack of readily available clean water. Then I got an offer to support a company here in the city doing research in conservation in a modern environment.”

David nods, genuinely finding interest in Ted’s life when it is described by the man himself, rather than by Alexis trying to show off.

“So, I accepted and moved here. I didn’t even know Alexis was here but then we literally bumped into each other in the street, and it kind of just went from there.”

“But why didn’t she tell anyone?”

Ted looks genuinely uncomfortable at that question and for a moment David regrets asking, but he nods and continues talking. “I think- Alexis was sure that everyone would comment on the fact that she was meant to be doing things for herself for the first time. She says she made such a big fuss about flying solo to New York that she didn’t want everything she’s doing here to be diminished by the fact she had so quickly slipped back into a relationship with me.”

“I can understand that I suppose.” David mumbles, as they clamber off the underground and start climbing the steps to city level.

“It’s been fun to hang out with you though, David. It’s been really weird keeping this a secret from you, so it feels good that you know, and that we can be friends again.”

David smirks a bit at that, honestly surprised that Ted considers him in the realm of a friend, but nods.

“You too. I’m glad she’s with you. Partly for her; you’re good for her, and it makes me feel better to know that you are together. But also, because if I had woken up to someone I didn’t know- or alone- I probably would have flipped out way more than I did.”

“Is that possible?” Ted laughs, rubbing his jaw lightly where David had punched him. “Honestly, I’m just lucky you’ve got such a weak upper-cut.”

“Okay--” David says, a bit defensively. “It wasn’t that weak, clearly.”

“Oh, it definitely was. I feel bad for Patrick- I hope he got out unscathed.”

“Oh my God, can you imagine? He’s got pretty quick reflexes though; I’m sure he’s just fine.”

Ted laughs. They wander along the High Line, enjoying the scenery and carefully dodging tourists and families scattered along the path. They take some photos on Ted’s phone to send to Alexis and Patrick, largely so David can show off the outfit he had chosen for Alexis.

When David pulls out Alexis’ phone, however, he sees three missed calls from his own number. He dials it back, holding up a finger to Ted to say one minute, and stands to the side, looking out over a busy street.

“David?” His own voice comes through; he hopes he won’t have to get used to that.

“Hey, Alexis? Are you okay? You called me like three times?”

“Yeah- Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. I got the pictures from Ted so, don’t let me interrupt.”

That statement sounds suspiciously like something David might say to Alexis the morning after a nightmare, when she calls back and tells him not to worry, before hanging up to run off on her next big adventure.

But David isn’t Alexis, so he pushes. “No, don’t say that. Talk to me- Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, David. Stop fussing.”

She sounds on the verge of tears, and David’s heart breaks a little bit.

“Alexis.” He says sharply.

“I just- I had a bad dream, and your body is really- it’s a lot David, and I just don’t like being here without you here.” She’s full on crying now, which is the last thing David wants to hear; he’s not a pretty crier. “Is this what you feel all the time? How do you cope?”

He sighs softly. “Alexis, can you listen to me? I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m with Ted, and we’re all fine here.”

She makes a gulpy little relieved voice, and David takes another deep breath.

“You’re okay, you don’t have to feel bad. We’re going to work this out, and then everything is going to go back to normal.”

“But I don’t want that.” She cries, “I don’t want it to go back to normal. I- I just feel so bad about everything, David. I never considered how it felt for you, and it feels awful, and I hate it.”

David is going to respond, but suddenly his throat feels tight, almost like something is trying to claw its way out. He coughs harshly, earning a concerned look from Ted, who approaches and pats his back lightly. Down the line, he can hear Alexis doing the same.

“You alright, bud?” Ted asks.

“Mhm- I--”

He pauses.

“I’m fine.” David says, in his own voice. He blinks in shock, and so does Ted, looking down at his body which is still Alexis’. “Do I- do I look different?” He asks.

“No.” Ted whispers, looking vaguely horrified but also kind of excited. “Oh my God, David, you’re talking like you again.”

“David, David!” Alexis’ normal drawl comes down the phone, which David holds back up to his ear, pushing harshly against the earrings which he’s still not used to and hurting his face. “David, I sound like me again!”

“Me too.” He replies quietly.

“It’s wearing off!”

“Looks like it.”

“Um, sorry to interrupt.” Ted says, half into the phone. “But we’re in public, so I think- we should probably go back to the apartment just in case David suddenly gets his own body back or something equally as weird happens.”

“Oh, yeah. That would not be good Ted- he’s wearing one of my favourite dresses. What if he goes all hulk and his body rips them to shreds!”

“Okay, that’s offensive.” David buts in, but they do have a point, and he and Ted start walking back towards the tube station. “We have to go on the subway, Alexis. We’ll call you when we get back.”

“Okay- okay. I’m gonna go find Patrick.”

***

Alexis rushes to change, runs out of the door, (and then back into the house to collect the dog she almost forgot), and all but sprints to Rose Apothecary in a flurry of her brother’s black and white clothes.

When she arrives, Patrick is thankfully in an empty store, stocking products with a focused look.

“I’ll be with you in a minute.” Patrick says from where he is crouched by the fridge.

“Patrick!” Alexis says in an excitable voice, making Patrick jerk up and hit his head on the fridge door. Thankfully, Atticus is there, immediately trying to lick it better, and causing Patrick to have to fight him off at the same time.

“Oh my God- Alexis. Your voice.” He says, staring at her with wide eyes whilst rubbing the bump on his head, the other hand warding off the dog’s advances. “What did you do? How did you do that?”

“We don’t know, we were talking on the phone and then suddenly we were both coughing, it was like something was in my throat, and the next thing I know, I’m speaking in my own voice again!”

“This is brilliant!” Patrick says, gripping her forearms excitedly. “What did David say?”

“They were out at the time, so they wanted to head back to the apartment in case we switch back randomly or something.”

Patrick frowns at her, “Do you think that might happen?”

“I don’t know- I still don’t know what happened to the voices!”

“Okay, wow, you should have called me-what if they’re right and you get your body back randomly or something?”

Alexis blinks and shrugs, “I didn’t really think of that. Do you reckon my body will come here or will I go back to New York?”

They frown at each other, neither knowing better and both more than a little anxious.

“Okay, we really should head home so we can work all this out. David and I haven’t gone shopping in a while though, so we need to stop off at the café to pick up some food before we go. Do you think you can manage not speaking to anyone whilst we’re there?”

“Ugh, obviously Patrick. I do have a lot of experience undercover. There was one time, with the Prussian Mafia, I ended up using a fake Italian accent for a whole month whilst living in the Royal Palace. Nobody knew a thing.” She punctuates her point by reaching to flip her hair, and then looking down in surprise when she realises David doesn’t have the same long locks that she’s used to.

“Wow.” Patrick mutters, smirking as he goes methodically through the closing process; cashing up the till with speed, and clearing away the boxes from the floor before swinging his keys around one finger as the three of them head out of the door and into the café.

“Hi Patrick, David. What can I get you?”

“Hey Twyla. Can we get two servings of the lasagne to take away, if that’s alright?”

“Sure, do you want extra fries as well, David?”

Alexis turns to Patrick with wide eyes and shrugs at him.

“Oh, um, David has- a cold at the moment. He’s kind of- lost his voice.” Patrick says slowly and unconvincingly. “We’ll take the serving of fries as well though, and two milkshakes.”

“Sure, coming up.”

Twyla disappears to sort their order, and Alexis pushes her way up onto the bar stool, swinging her legs idly, careful not to hit the dog who has settled under the counter easily.

“That was so bad, Patrick.” Alexis mutters quietly, and he pulls a face at her.

“Here you go, Patrick. I swapped one of the milkshakes out for a smoothie- I thought you might like it better, Alexis.” Twyla says with a suspicious expression.

“Thanks Twyla.”

Patrick takes the takeaway bag, and they head for the door, pausing halfway there to look at each other in surprise. Atticus pulls on his leash, but to no avail.

“Did she just say--” Alexis mutters.

“I think she did.”

They both turn back to see the woman in question smiling at them innocently.

“How did you--” Patrick stares at her in shock, and she just shrugs lightly.

“You were on a vendor visit the other day, right? You stock things from the witches at Hazelwood farm. I told David that he had to be careful with them; they are very literal, and they don’t ask permission like other witches do.”

“Witches--” Patrick trails off, frowning to himself.

“Yeah, didn’t you know?”

“Oh my God, David thought they were Mennonites.” Alexis says, glee written on her face as she holds her- David’s- hands together under her chin. “That is so funny.”

“But they _are_ Mennonites.” Patrick says, “They _told_ us- We wanted to make sure we were being respectful whilst we were visiting, and neither of us knew what their rules were so we asked.”

“You can be two things.” Alexis replies, rolling her eyes at him.

“Come on, we should get home. We need to talk to David about this. And apparently, I need to make a call to some witches, so--”

“It was really nice to see you, Alexis.” Twyla says just as they are about to leave again.

“You too, Twy. Don’t worry, I’ll be back for a visit soon, so--” She replies, making some short, pleased humming noises that appear extremely out of place coming from David’s mouth, but also sound so uniquely Alexis.

They head out of the café and towards the carpark to climb into Patrick and David’s car, before making the drive back to the cottage.

***

As soon as they step in the house, Patrick’s phone is ringing with Alexis’ contact.

“David?” He says as he picks up.

“Patrick!” David says cheerfully back. “I have my voice back! I’m not talking like Alexis anymore!”

“I can hear that, baby. You still look like her though.” Patrick says, smiling despite himself and rubbing a hand over his eye. “Also, there’s the minor point of you being in New York right now.”

“Only a minor issue, really.” David says, laughing- and God, Patrick has missed that laugh. Alexis may have had David’s voice, but there are certain qualities; his sense of humour, his pronunciation, his speech patterns, that she just couldn’t match.

“It’s good to hear you.” He says softly, rolling his eyes at Alexis retching in the background. “We have news actually, give me one sec to put you on speaker; is Ted there?”

“Yeah, I’m here bud. What did you want to talk to us about?”

Patrick leads Alexis over to the couch to sit down next to each other. He puts the phone on the coffee table in front of them.

“Well--"

“Twyla worked it out!” Alexis say quickly. “She knew I wasn’t you- that you weren’t- that we were not. She knew it was me!”

“What- How?”

“David, she said it was the Mennonites- She said that they were witches, and they ‘take things literally’ apparently.” Patrick adds in.

“Yeah, so you just need to work out what you asked them and then we’ll be cured!”

Patrick can hear David stuttering on the other end of the line, as Alexis leans in, frowning at the phone.

“Oh my God, David. It was like two days ago; don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already?”

“No, I just- I didn’t ask for anything! It was a vendor meeting! We talked about the contract, and some new products, and stuff.” He exclaims dramatically.

“Stuff?”

“Like, for the store! Stuff for the store!”

Alexis turns to Patrick for support, but he determinedly avoids her eyes, holding his hands together in his lap and shaking his head.

“Well there must have been something, David!”

“How about this,” Patrick interrupts, “What were you talking about when your voice switched back; maybe that has something to do with all this?”

At this, both Rose siblings go silent.

“Okay,” Patrick sighs after a minute, “Well, I have to go and take Atticus out for a walk, and Ted probably has to go somewhere--”

“Yeah, I have to go to the gym, so I’m just going to leave now--”

“--Exactly, so you can talk, and work this out between you.”

“Atticus is there?” David says. The dog in question perks up at the sound of David’s voice saying his name and starts wagging his tail from where he is sat in his bed.

“Just until this evening now, Bethany and Millie are going to come and collect him tonight when they get back from visiting Millie’s Mom in hospital.”

“Oh my God, is she okay?”

“She’s fine, baby. I’ll catch you up when you get home, yeah?”

“Mhm.” David sounds so small and sad, and Patrick can’t help but take the phone off speaker for a moment to hold to his ear.

“I love you, David. You’ll be home soon; we just have to work out what the last part of the puzzle is.”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to Alexis.”

Patrick hands the phone back to Alexis and turns to lead Atticus out of the house by the lead.

He’s not sure what happened whilst he was out, but when he returns, Alexis is in a sour mood. She’s slumped on the couch, watching old episodes of Sunrise Bay, David’s hair flat and un-styled across her head.

“David would be broken hearted if he knew you did that to his hair.” Patrick says, as he lets Atticus off the leash.

“Yeah, well. What David can’t see can’t hurt him, right?”

“That’s not true. Do you want some tea?”

Alexis frowns at him, her brother’s heavy eyebrows revealing her mood, but nods slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s a hot beverage; served before bed, meant to help you sleep?” Patrick replies, being purposefully sardonic purely to get a reaction.

She just rolls her eyes and slumps back against the arm of the couch.

Letting her stew for a minute, Patrick focuses on boiling the kettle and filling two mugs with water. He takes them over to the coffee table and sits gingerly on the couch next to his sister-in-law, who is currently stuck in his husband’s body.

Well, Patrick knew a life as Mr Brewer-Rose would be interesting; he just didn’t realise it would be so confusing.

“I- You said that what David doesn’t now can’t hurt him. You’re wrong; I think the not knowing often hurts him more than the actual reality.”

“That’s not- He used to hate when I called him asking for things. He hated having to come to the rescue every time I did something stupid.”

Patrick sighs, and misses David. “Alexis, David didn’t hate that- Well he did, he hated that he had to drop everything just to cover for you enjoying yourself in some foreign country, and that- that wasn’t okay.” He can’t resist the opportunity to defend his husband, but he continues, “But God, somehow I think not knowing where you are, or what you’re doing- I think that might be worse.”

Alexis looks thoughtful, wrapped in one of David’s largest sweaters to replicate the feeling of wearing them on her own body. “I um, I really missed him- especially when I first moved away. I didn’t- it just got worse, and I didn’t want to worry him so I thought it would be easier for me to- to not talk to anyone, and then they wouldn’t know that I was- that I was struggling.”

“How were you struggling Alexis?”

“I- I couldn’t get any clients, and I was all alone in the city. This girl, Klair, that I used to know before. I bumped into her at a bar one night and I just- I hated the idea that I would just slip into old patterns, and I’d start being a burden again, and I’d become cruel, and self-centred.”

Patrick lets out a breath. “You thought you’d be a burden?”

Alexis laughs, thickly, “I guess David and I aren’t so different after all, huh?”

“There’s just- one thing. If this was when you first moved to New York, what’s been happening the last couple of weeks?”

“I don’t know- Every time I’ve spoken to David recently, he’s been fussing about me, worrying that I’m okay, and I guess it just made me feel weird. Meeting Ted again helped, but like I said, that really is a recent thing.”

“I think you need to tell David all of this.”

Alexis makes a whining noise, and if Patrick didn’t know better, he’d assume it was David he was talking to. The Rose siblings truly aren’t that different, he thinks.

“But I don’t want to--”

“Alexis.”

“Ugh, fine. I’m going to do it in the bedroom though, and if it doesn’t work then I’m blaming you.”

“I would expect nothing less- Don’t forget your tea.”

She grumbles some more, but takes the mug with her to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her with finality.

Patrick lets out a sigh of relief- Hopefully this will work.

***

The phone rings for a while; Alexis is surprised that David even bothers to pick up after the argument they just had, but he does.

“Hey.” She says quietly.

“Are you going to yell at me again?” He asks, “Because I don’t need this right now.”

He sounds really sad; properly sad. It’s almost soul-crushing how sad he sounds.

“Patrick said I should talk to you.” Alexis says. “He thinks this whole thing is because we are- miscommunicating, and because we don’t understand each other’s perspective.”

“He’s very smart.” David whispers, and his voice is thick with emotion.

“I know- You must miss him a lot.”

“Hmm.” David hesitates, but then he quietly asks, “Is this how you felt when Ted went away? It’s like my- um, your I guess- chest is aching, and I just- I feel so wrong to be apart from him, it’s awful.”

Alexis snorts lightly. “Yes, yep.”

“I’m sorry I never took that seriously before.”

“David- I, I had a panic attack the other day. I didn’t realise how- how bad those were, for you. I’m really sorry I didn’t believe you when you told me about them.”

“It’s okay, Alexis.”

Alexis shuffles where she is sat on the bed, curling David’s legs beneath her to try and get comfortable. “What do you think it is that we aren’t talking about? What did you say to the witches--?”

“They _were Mennonites_!”

“Mennonite witches!”

David lets out a laugh along the line, and for a moment Alexis closes her eyes and pretends that everything is normal.

“You’ve not been very easy to get a hold of recently.” He says, as if the words physically pain him. “It’s been- I know that you’re safe and everything but it felt like- like things were going back to how they used to be. I don’t want to lose you.”

“David you’re--” Alexis starts her normal resistance, but then she stops, frowning. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think- I didn’t realise I was doing it.” She chews her lips and then groans uncomfortably. “You were calling a lot, and I didn’t- it was like you didn’t think I was able to do this for myself, and I can David. It’s been really hard, but I am doing it by myself.”

“I know- I know that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think that I’m not proud of you, Alexis. You- I think you’re incredible.”

Alexis grins, shaking her head happily. “I know we don’t say it often, but I love you David.”

“Ugh. I love you too.”

“This is a really weird way of finally getting us to talk to each other.” Alexis says quietly.

“Mm, I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was--”

“It’s fine, David. Can I ask though, is Ted okay?”

“What- yeah. Yes, he’s fine. Handling it all really well actually.” He says laughing. “Kind of annoyingly well. Is Patrick--?”

“Mhm, he’s pretty annoyed at me but other than that he’s fine. He misses you a lot though.”

“I miss him too. Will you look after him for me until we sort this whole mess out?”

“Of course, David. But- what if we wake up tomorrow and we’re still--?”

“Then we’ll work it out.”

There’s a quiet confidence in David’s voice that calms Alexis down completely. She wiggles herself down the bed to lie on her side under the covers as they hang up. Just as she’s almost unconscious, she notices her whole-body tingling and itching, but sleep takes her before she can do anything about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been so out of my comfort zone to write, but I hope you're following it and enjoying it! 
> 
> Please please please let me know what you think in the comments so I can take those on board, and it always makes the whole process of writing better when I know people are going to enjoy it!
> 
> Thank you!


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Alexis adjust to life after they get their bodies back, and learn to communicate with each other.

“David- I had an idea about what we should do today.” Ted’s voice is coming closer, and David burrows his head into the cushion. His whole body is aching, it feels like his back is broken, and--

Wait.

David sits up, his back cracking painfully and looks down at his hands.

His man-hands.

He has _man_ -hands.

He has his wedding ring back.

“So, I thought, why don’t we go for lunch in Chinatown, and then we can go and catch a--” Ted is frowning at him, “Hey, bud, are you okay? You’re looking a little green around the gills.”

David blinks at him and waves a hand around, pulling a disgruntled face at Ted’s lack of a reaction.

“Do you need me to--” Ted trails off, looking at David again, and finally seeing what has changed. “Oh my God, David! You’re back to yourself again!” He exclaims, jumping up and down on the spot and tugging him into a hug, which David resists half-heartedly, too excited to really complain.

“Oh my _God_! I can’t believe Alexis wore this sweater to sleep in.” He says, looking down at his outfit, “This is from an exclusive range!”

“Well, um- Don’t be mad. But Alexis took a couple of sweaters when she moved here, I can dig them out for you to change into.”

David pretends to be surprised, but he likely isn’t convincing, as Ted just grins and heads to the bedroom. “We should call them; work out if they’re going to come here or we’re going to go there.” He shouts.

“On it.” Ted replies, already dialling Patrick.

***

Patrick is just making tea when Alexis walks into the kitchen that morning. He has his back to her as he pulls out a second mug for her drink.

“Alexis, I was thinking, for today it might--” Patrick drops his mug and it shatters across the floor, spilling hot tea over the kitchen tiles. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“Oh my God.”

Alexis pulls a face at him, but looks down, to see her own body dressed in a pair of flannel pyjamas and a t-shirt with a picture of a bear on it, and the words _‘Bearly Awake’_ in a large font. “Oh my God.” She mutters, “Patrick! I have my body back!”

“You have your body back!”

“My body is in Schitt’s Creek.”

“Yes- Yeah, that’s right. Um--”

They are interrupted by Patrick’s phone ringing loudly. He rushes over to it and picks it up as soon as he sees Ted’s contact picture.

“Ted!”

“Patrick!”

“Is he there- Is he back to normal?”

Ted snorts, and Patrick watches as Alexis rushes past him to the bathroom.

“He’s been in the bedroom for a while- I think he’s doing a thorough check.” Patrick laughs awkwardly at that, “Is Alexis- is she alright?”

“Yes, I think she’s gone to change. Um, do you have any idea what they talked about last night?”

“No idea- but whatever it is it worked I guess.”

Patrick can hear Ted talking to someone- David assumedly in the background. He sounds manic, almost, which causes Patrick to frown.

“Ted- Is that David? Can I talk to him?”

“Patrick?”

“Hi, baby. What’s happening- why are you stressed? You’re back to normal!”

He can feel the tension radiating through the phone, “It’s so dumb, it’s just- I haven’t flown without you there in a long time, and I- I wasn’t- I’m not prepared to- on my own, but I really want to get back to you today, like, right now, and--”

“Okay, okay, David? Listen to me, we’ll work this out, you have nothing to worry about.” Patrick says, looking up to acknowledge Alexis who has walked into the room still wearing the pyjama bottoms, but with one of David’s black sweaters over the shirt.

“Okay.”

“I’m serious- Go with Ted and get some breakfast, and then we will call again, and we’ll work it all out.”

“Okay.”

“David?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, very much.”

Patrick can hear David squirming, and grins into the phone, as Alexis rolls her eyes at him and takes a sip of coffee. “I love you, Patrick.”

He hangs up and sighs in relief, hands on his hips, as he looks down at the mess on the floor. Alexis just shrugs at him from her perch on the stool, and watches as he gets a towel.

***

David takes Patrick’s advice, and him and Ted head down to a café down the road to buy fresh bagels and coffee, New York style. They sit in the window, looking out at the street, and David tries really hard to make the most of his time in the city, but all he can think about it getting home to Schitt’s Creek, and seeing Patrick.

“Maybe I just head straight back, and Alexis heads straight here, and everything just goes back to normal?” He asks, taking a bite of his everything bagel.

Ted frowns at him, which is confusing, and shakes his head. “I spoke to Alexis this morning; I don’t think she’s ready to leave yet.”

“Oh--”

“So I was thinking- if we buy plane tickets, I already took the week off from work to deal with the whole- body, situation, so maybe we just head back today or tomorrow and Alexis and I can stay with you for a couple of days?”

David grins, “Yeah? Are you sure?”

“Oh course, bud. And I know that you get nervous about flying, but I will be th- _air_ with you the entire time!”

“Ew, Ted.”

The street outside is bustling, people pushing past each other in the early morning rush. David and Ted watch them, making their commute along the dirty street.

“Alexis loves you; you know.” He says quietly. “She’s in love with you.”

Ted looks surprised by this, but nods. “I love her too.”

“Good.” David takes a sip of his coffee, and eyes him over the rim. “I didn’t understand- Last night, she told me how much you mean to her, how much you’ve done for her. I didn’t realise how much she was struggling, and how much I wasn’t helping, and I just- I--” David struggles for words for a moment, but finally screws his eyes up and sighs. “I want to thank you- for looking after her. I’m not used to knowing that she’s safe, but now that I know she’s with you, I feel like I can finally relax again.”

“I would never let anything happen to her, David.”

“I know, and that’s a massive undertaking. I should know. So, thank you.”

They grin awkwardly at each other across the table as they finish their food.

“Right.” Ted says, piling their stuff up onto a tray and dropping it in the bin. “Is there anywhere you want to go before we leave?”

“No,” David says, shaking his head. “I just want to go home.”

“Okay, come on then, let’s get you home.” Ted says, and they head back down the street towards the apartment.

***

“Patrick! _Patrick_ \- Ted just called me.”

Patrick sticks his head out from the water of the shower to hear Alexis better, “Yeah?” He shouts, “What did he say?”

“They’re getting on the plane like, now- apparently David tried to call you, but you weren’t picking up.”

Patrick swears as he rinses his hair. They had ended up spending most of the day at the store and hadn’t actually barely spoken to David all day. After sneaking Alexis into the café to borrow some clothes from Twyla (who thankfully still had some dresses she had been gifted), on top of working at the store which was overcrowded with curious customers after three days being closed; it was a rather hectic day.

He hadn’t heard from David since their call that morning and was truly surprised that his husband had decided to come back the same day, having expected him to at least enjoy a day in the city in his own body.

He quickly rinses off the rest of the shampoo from his hair and wraps a towel around his waist.

“Is he okay? What time are they due to land?” He asks, sticking his head around the door to look at Alexis, who is hovering outside.

“He’s fine- They’re fine. Ted says he just wanted to get home tonight. The flight is just over two hours so we should probably head to the airport in like half an hour.”

Patrick nods, closing the door and moving to change.

“Oh, and Patrick?” Alexis shouts again, “I’m _very_ impressed.”

“What?”

“I didn’t realise you were so ripped under those ugly little button-downs!”

Patrick barks out a laugh and shakes his head, “Ew, Alexis.” He says, in his closest imitation of her voice. He can hear her grumble in response and stomp off somewhere.

They head to the airport almost as soon as he is out of the bathroom, and mull around the stores there waiting for the flight to be announced. As soon as it is, they hurry to the gate, both craning their necks in the attempt to spot David and Ted.

Ted is weighed down by suitcases, and Alexis rushes over to help, but Patrick just stares at his husband who immediately throws himself into his arms and squeezes tightly. Patrick returns the hug with equal desperation, listening to David breaths calm as they cling together.

“Oh my God, baby, it’s so good to see you, you have no idea.” Patrick is mumbling into his neck, pressing soft kisses into the juncture there and making David squirm.

When they finally pull back, David gasps in horror, and turns to face his sister with fury in his eyes.

“What did you do?” He says quietly, causing Alexis to take several steps backwards defensively, bumping into Ted in the process, who puts a steadying hand on her back.

“I- nothing, David. It was an accident!”

“You _broke_ my husband!”

“I’m not broken--”

“I didn’t _break_ him, David. It was a _defensive_ move. What, would you have preferred I let him _spoon_ me?”

David huffs and turns back to Patrick, fingers fluttering over his eye and the bump on his forehead with concern. Patrick leans into the gentle care with a sigh, and lets David fight this one out with his sister.

“What happened to your head?”

“The fridge door- That one was my fault.” He mumbles, feeling the tension leave his body almost completely when David presses the gentlest of kisses on the bump, and then on the corner of the bruise still slightly visible on his eye. “I missed you.” He says quietly.

“I missed you too, it’s so good to see your face again.” David whispers back, putting their foreheads together gently, and closing his eyes.

“I would say same, but--”

David groans and shakes his head, but he’s smiling slightly. They turn to look for Alexis and Ted, who have evolved from hugging, to making out just a few steps away.

“Ew,” David mutters, “I don’t know how- That was me, like, a day ago, how is he able to kiss her right now?”

“Mm, talking of Ted, what’s this I hear about you waking up in his bed? I see he doesn’t have a bruise or anything like I do.” Patrick says, with faux concern in his voice. “Should I be worried?”

David snorts, moving to hook his head over Patrick’s shoulder in another hug. “As if. I think I should probably sign up for Twyla’s self-defence class though, it was kind of embarrassing how weak my punch was.”

Patrick kisses his neck again as they wrap their arms back around each other and sway side to side slightly. Alexis and Ted finally tear their mouths away and head over.

“Um- David?” Alexis says tentatively, as David unwraps himself from his husband’s arms. “I--”

He cuts her off by stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her in for a tight hug.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles into her hair, hearing her return he sentiment with equal emotion.

“Me too.”

When they pull back, Ted and Patrick are talking with their backs slightly turned as if to offer the pair some privacy in their moment. David coughs to clear his throat and links his arm through Alexis’.

“Come on.” He says, pulling her towards the door and leading the way to the carpark. “I’m starving. Let’s go to the café.”

***

The four of them climb into Patrick and David’s car, and head back to Schitt’s Creek, where they immediately bustle into the café, batting off questions about Alexis and Ted’s presence from the regulars, and slipping into their normal booth.

“Hi Alexis, hi David. I’m glad to see you two are back to normal.” Twyla says as she approaches them.

They order their food, and once she’s gone, Alexis turns to Patrick.

“I forgot to ask- Did you ever call those witches and ask them about what they did?”

Patrick looks guilty but shakes his head. “Nope, I mean, it all worked itself out in the end, and they are really important vendors for the store, so I’m not going to ruin that relationship with them.”

“Mm, yeah, I can’t wait to eat the peanut squares when we get home. I’ve missed them so much.” David agrees, closing his eyes as if imagining the sweet treat.

“More than you missed me?” Patrick asks with a pout.

“Never--”

Their moment is interrupted as Alexis coughs forcefully.

“What--”

“Um, about those peanut squares.” She says awkwardly, looking away from her brother and trying to appear innocent.

“Oh my God, you dirty racoon, you ate them all!”

“Technically you ate them, David. I was in your body!”

“I can’t believe you--”

“And what about all the New York food you got to eat, David? You’ve been stuffing my face for the last three days!”

“I was stress eating!” David hisses, leaning over the table to glare at her. “I was experiencing a very stressful situation and it was my way of dealing with it.”

“Well so was I, David!”

“Okay,” Patrick tries to placate his husband by running a hand up and down his back, “How about this, we’ll go and visit Hazelwood Farm in a couple of days to talk to the women, and we’ll see if they will throw in some more as a treat.”

David’s expression softens as soon as he looks at his husband, and he leans in to press a small kiss on his lips.

“Okay.” He mutters, as Patrick reaches a hand up to cup his cheek and pull him back in.

“Ugh, David.” Alexis mutters, her arms crossed petulantly in front of her.

Thankfully, the rest of dinner goes off without a hitch. The Rose siblings seem to have put all their problems behind them and enjoy a long and detailed catch up about everything that has happened in the last few months.

They are still gossiping when they get back to the house, and after fetching some drinks for everyone and showing Ted the guest room, him and Patrick head to bed, allowing the Roses some privacy to talk.

It’s another hour before David joins him. He slips quietly into the bedroom, heads straight for the shower, and then clambers into bed next to his husband.

Patrick automatically makes room for David to settle next to him and throws an arm out to wrap around his waist.

“Hi,” he whispers, pulling David close and breathing in the familiar scent of cedar wood and pine from the Rose Apothecary shower products. “Mm, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you more. At least you could still see me.”

Patrick hums teasingly; “It was certainly difficult to tell the difference, what with you and Alexis being so similar.”

David gasps, and jerks away from his embrace harshly. “Patrick!”

“I mean, how do I really know that you’re you now?” He taps his chin a couple of times, looking thoughtful. “I know--”

He wriggles his arms underneath David and starts an assault on his sides with his fingers. David squirms, desperately trying to escape Patrick’s tickling, and lashing out with all of his limbs to try and defend himself.

“What- does this- prove?” He gasps out between painful, wheezing laughs. “Stop!”

Patrick moves to straddle him, holding him still with his knees, and persisting with his attack.

“Alexis isn’t ticklish!” He exclaims, “She said that she learned not to be when she was being questioned by the Uzbekistan government.”

He dodges an errant wave of David’s arms, and finally switches his tactic from purely torturing David, to pressing a long line of kisses along his neck. Wheezing turns to gasps, turns to little sighs, and David tilts his head back to make it more accessible.

Finally, he gives in, and Patrick flops down on the bed side-by-side with his husband.

“You’re never going to want to sleep with me again, are you?” David says suddenly, making Patrick jerk up in surprise.

“What--”

“Please tell me you don’t actually think of Alexis when you see me now?” He mumbles.

Patrick lets out an indignant laugh at this, and answers earnestly. “David, never. It was your body, sure, but she wasn’t you- You’re, you’re something else David Brewer-Rose. I just can’t put my finger on it.”

David hums non-committedly in response, and wriggles down into the pillows, curling up in the other direction, causing Patrick to frown at his back, deep in thought. He rolls his eyes at the dramatic display, and shuffles closer to David, making sure their hips are aligned so he can feel the beginnings of his interest peeking against the bottom of his spine.

“As you can tell, I’m still very interested. That is- if you’re not planning on running off with Ted again?”

David snorts derisively and rolls over to face his husband. Patrick initially assumes he’s going to get kissed, but instead, he wraps his arms around his shoulders and his legs over his waist, and clings to him, digging his head into his chest.

Patrick trails a comforting hand down his back and waits for him to speak.

“There is nobody else for me, Patrick.”

“And I will always be attracted to you, David.”

“Good.” David says, finally smiling and raising his head to let their mouths kiss. “Because I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

Their lips meet in a lazy familiar kiss, and both melt into the comfort of the touch. Patrick should be embarrassed by the whine he lets out when David pulls back to look at him, an amused expression on his face.

“Hey, do you think those witches have any other tricks they could do?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know- something a little more, interesting, for us.” He mutters, his breath brushing Patrick’s lips and making him shiver.

“David.”

“Yes?”

“Stop talking.”

He laughs as Patrick rolls them over and assaults his neck with kisses and bites, constantly making clear that his attraction to David has not diminished in the slightest.

***

Alexis and Ted leave three days later. Patrick and David drive them to the airport to see them off with hugs and tears. When they get home, Patrick is extra attentive to his husband; checking in with him and making sure to not leave his side, but it’s not necessary.

Alexis texts him when they land back in New York.

She texts him the next day about what he has done with her clothes.

She joins the family facetime call to discuss Sunrise Bay on the Saturday (and apologises to Stevie who is extra snippy with her for a while.)

She calls David to tell him that she’s going to see a therapist, and he offers sage (but not pushy) advice on what issues from their childhood she should bring up at the meetings.

She calls Patrick for advice about a client’s money problems.

And, a short month later, she travels back to Schitt’s Creek, Ted in tow, and glittering rings on both of their left hands.

“I proposed!” She exclaims.

Together, David and Alexis plan the (second) most memorable wedding of the century, and Ted and Alexis are married at a church just out of Elmdale, near where Ted had grown up. It’s a beautiful ceremony, and Ted cries when he sees his bride walking down the aisle with one arm linked into her brother’s.

They hug before they part, but Alexis clings to David for just a moment longer.

“I love you very much.” She whispers, “and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“I love you too. I wasn’t lying before; I’m constantly impressed by you. I’m very proud of everything you’ve achieved, and I promise that I will try to be more supportive of you from now on.”

They share one more meaningful glance, before she turns around to get married, and David heads to sit next to his husband, who automatically reaches for his hand.

“You okay?” Patrick whispers, leaning his head over David’s shoulder and hooking their arms together.

“Never better.” David replies, and for the first time ever, that might be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has left comments, and encouraged me with writing this fic- I was definitely nervous going into it but I'm really happy with how it turned out, and I hope you enjoyed it too!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought in the comments, I hope it was a satisfying ending for you! ❤️


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